


The Medical Examiner's Tale

by richmahogany



Category: Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2013-12-04
Packaged: 2018-01-03 11:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1069741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/richmahogany/pseuds/richmahogany
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodgers relates a story that a colleague of hers used to tell, about a young soldier who made a big impression many years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Medical Examiner's Tale

Think when the girls go out after work it’s all girl talk? Oh no: they’re cops too, remember, and they’ll be swapping war stories like cops everywhere. On this rare occasion Alex Eames and Carolyn Barek have managed to drag Liz Rodgers with them to a bar not far from One PP. They’ve already listened to a tale from Barek’s rookie days and to a funny thing that happened to Eames one day while undercover as a Vice cop. They’ve ordered their third round of drinks, and now it’s Rodgers’ turn.

 “Nothing remotely funny ever happens in autopsy,” she grumbles.

 “Apart from people sticking their noses where they don’t belong,” says Eames.

“That’s not funny!”

“No? Cracks me up every time.”

Rodgers grunts derisively and takes a sip of her drink.

 “Well – that does remind me of a story that a colleague of mine used to tell. You probably won’t have known him – Teddy Regan – died a few years ago. Whenever we had a get-together of pathologists and had reached about this level of intoxication, Teddy would dig out this story. So, it’s not mine, but it’s worth telling, you’ll see why.”

She takes another sip and begins:

“This would have been about twenty years ago. Teddy was working as a medical examiner for the Army at the time. And just like we make all rookie cops witness at least one autopsy, they do the same in CID. Figuring, like we do, that if they’re supposed to investigate crimes, they’d better be familiar with all aspects of them. All MEs have these ‘first autopsy’ stories, and they all play out like the ‘Quincy’ title sequence. The only question is who can make the greatest number of people faint in the shortest time. Teddy told this story, however, to show that things don’t always go as expected.

“There are four brand-new CID recruits present at this particular autopsy, three big tough young men and one equally tough young woman. In Teddy’s experience it’s always the biggest and cockiest that folds first, so when he looks at the tallest of them and sees the eager expression on his face, he’d put his money on him making a dash to the sink first.

“The body is that of a young soldier who was found drowned in a reservoir not far from his base. Trace evidence has already been collected and the body has been washed, so Teddy can start the autopsy right away. The four soldiers are hovering around the edges of the room, so he makes them come closer. ‘There’s room enough for everyone to see,’ he says, grabs his scalpel and starts the incision. That is already enough for one of them, who stumbles to a corner and sits down. It’s not the guy Teddy has his eye on, though – he would have lost his money this time. Teddy completes his incision and opens up the chest. At this point the second man makes the expected dash to the sink. And the removal of the ribs does it for the young woman, who feels compelled to leave the room altogether. It’s the snapping noise that gets them,” Rodgers says knowingly.

“So, at this point Teddy’s particular friend is the only one still standing. He looks pale, sure, and he’s staring with wide-open eyes, but he seems more fascinated than repulsed. In fact, instead of backing away he’s creeping closer and closer. Teddy starts on the airway and the lungs, which are of course full of water from drowning. Now, they also hold a surprise, and at the very moment that Teddy thinks ‘now that is a surprise’, he hears an equally surprised ‘oh!’ from the young man who is by now bending very closely over the body. ‘Oh!’ he says, ‘but…’ and then nothing. Never one to pass up a teaching opportunity, Teddy looks at him sternly and demands: ‘But what?’ The soldier doesn’t really know what to say. He’s suddenly not sure that it’s his place to say anything, he’s just standing there, blushing and nervously twisting his fingers. But Teddy doesn’t let go. ‘Well,’ the young man finally stammers, ‘didn’t… you did… he was found in the reservoir, right?’ ‘Yes’, says Teddy, ‘so what?’ One look at Teddy tells this soldier that there’s no way out, so he points at the body and says: ‘It…it smells…floral…you know, like… rose petals… I think it’s bathwater.’

“For a moment Teddy is silenced by this unexpected statement. A rookie who doesn’t faint is not that unusual, but a rookie who follows his train of thought and almost gets ahead of him, that’s something he hasn’t seen before. ‘Nice to see someone is paying attention,’ he finally says. ‘And since you are so clever, perhaps you’d like to share with the class what conclusions you draw from that?’

‘He didn’t drown in the reservoir,’ the soldier mumbles. ‘He drowned in the bath and was dumped in later.’

‘Very good. So what do we do next?’ says Teddy, back in full teacher mode. But the soldier doesn’t have an answer to that.

‘Well, I’m relieved that I can still teach you something. Watch and learn.’ And with that he resumes his autopsy.”

Alex, who has barely managed to suppress her giggles throughout this last part of the story, now bursts out laughing. “Yes!” she gasps. “He just can’t help himself, can he? I always knew he must have been born an insufferable know-it-all!”

Rodgers, who never laughs, now has an amused smirk on her face. “I told you it was worth it. There’s a coda to the story, though. When the autopsy is finished – and Teddy always used to say, ‘That guy followed my every move!’ – the Army gathers up the fallen and leaves. But at the door, Teddy’s special friend turns round and asks: ‘Who is he?’

‘What?’ says Teddy, taken aback by this latest curveball. The young man is suddenly embarrassed again, but manages to say: ‘I know this was supposed to be a learning experience for us, you know, just to show us how this works. But…he’s…’ he points towards the body, ‘he’s not just a specimen. He’s…well…he’s somebody, and I guess…I just wanted to know.’

“Teddy always used to say that this was what really impressed him. This guy not only had the detachment to follow the whole autopsy and notice the crucial detail, but also the moral sense to know that a body is not just a slab of meat but a person. That’s what impressed Teddy so much that he never forgot this particular autopsy, and he kept trotting this story out for the next fifteen years. ‘That’s when I knew this young man could go far,’ was always his conclusion to the story, ‘I often wonder what happened to him.’” Rodgers sighs. “I never had the heart to tell him.”

“You know, I think you should have,” says Eames, who is now serious again. “I think he would’ve been pleased.”

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Nancy for being my beta reader!


End file.
